I’ve had a particular fantasy of late regarding work. Perhaps its because I’m approaching the last year of being gainfully employed and I can see another pathway opening to these old eyes. Maybe its also because I’ve realized a few things about doing IT in general and being a Infrastructure Project Manager specifically. Its not a passion job. Its something else.
Then it dawns on me.
I don’t like it.
And that perhaps is okay because I think most people go through work days with not a lot of “like” or perhaps “Like” sprinkled around. There is a small like and then there is a big Like. The small like gets you through the day to day operation. The big Like gets you through the years at a thing. How many of you have a big Like thing? I have moments of the big Like thing but a thing that has bothered me is that somehow I’ve lost the sense of joy and accomplishment at it.
If I let the rivers of time claim me and memories come back about doing archeology, there was a passion thing. Perhaps it was being outdoors walking in a forest, on a mountain, in the Mojave Desert on Edwards Air Force Base. Maybe finding cool things and creating hypotheses about why cooking pits got larger over time and attempting to link that to population growth. That’s not quite like maintaining a Microsoft Project schedule with the dates and times and late tasks and milestones swirling around in this never-ending circle. Fogging up the view. Screwing up even a beer drunk. Keeping rusty old lines still on the etcha sketch that is my memory.
The two things are so disparate I also note.
But let me ask you all that may read this on occasion. Do you particularly love and find passion in the thing or things that give you an automatic deposit every two weeks? Does it transcend that work thing and become a joyful endeavor? Has it ever?
I remember once before when it was. I was with a small company whose name will be kept out. This company was not noteworthy other than it was scrappy and startupy and full of a bunch of people in the US, UK, Asia that I loved. I got travel. Oh yes. I traveled. I would hit the road every other month for weeks in India and days in Singapore and side trips to Japan. But not just the travel. The work. The things I was asked to do and then do again. It created that joyful endeavor for me.
Then divorce and a multitude of personal changes which all affect the other spheres of the Mike force. If you think you can separate the poles of your existence and isolate them. You are…
So give it some thought. I have. I have a year left at this and then a new thing beckons. A thing that takes me back to the roads and paths and airports traveled and not traveled before. I need a year of salary for a lot of time on the road. There are things I have to see out there and places to get back to and find again for the first time.
And that’s a passion. And this is not.