A bit of this and that — Ex-pat Lifeways and Friendships

What I’ve learned being on the road about the retirees and ex-pats in Cambodia is interesting. I’ve met or seen more than a few and there are centers or locations where they gather and live. I think Kampot is one such place as is Phnom Penh. I have not been to Siem Reap yet. That comes next week but I’ll spend a month there too so I have no doubt in my slow travel method I will see what the retirees and ex-pats do there.

In the hotel I stay in here in Kampot there is a sizable percentage of older travelers. People do not stay long in this hotel since the cost is higher. Its a short stay vacation type place although the property to me is just beautiful and the obvious attractions like free breakfast and a nice patio bar always win out. There are cheaper guest houses and if you are gonna stay longer probably you will find a room or apartment to take. There are costs with that as well. You have to have power and water and internet. These are monthly charges. As you settle in you have to buy food since eating out over the long haul may not suit your purpose but I have to admit if you eat local or street foods you can get by pretty cheap. I only eat a meal a day so I tend to just buy what I want and not really worry.

The other thing is I don’t think people travel much to other countries once they settle. Its a long term relationship between person and city and there is the community of retirees and ex-pats that will welcome you. Most cities have get togethers or meets to get the group together and socialize. I’m personally not into that and I don’t fit the mode since I don’t want to settle down because there is so much left to see out there and the slower travel mode I have adopted and adapted makes it easy to taste both short and long term stays in places. It also opens the door on getaways on buses or trains or even flying to a neighboring country like Thailand or Vietnam.

Meeting Others?

As I mentioned there is a larger population of ex-pats in many of the cities of Cambodia. Its not really a hard country to live in but there are differences one has to adapt to. I think the ex-pat and retiree groups kind of bond together to get others familiar with the differences and provide some bonding for new and long time members. I am not a social person and really don’t do well meeting other retirees and ex-pats on the road. I’ve met a few and there are so many obvious differences. One is that they all smoke. I cannot stand cigarettes or the smell whatsoever and restaurants here often allow smoking throughout. The other is there is a social bonding by being a member of the group that just being an American on the outside does not give. There’s not a private club but I think a lot of the ex-pats tend to want a recognizable thing so the weekend events are better than just meeting another person at a restaurant or bar. I met this person from an ex-pat forum in Phnom Penh and while he was interesting there is not a lot of mutual interest because I don’t intend on stopping or staying in a place long term. The visa to me here is an instrument of flexibility. If I did not have this one, I would find another place that offers a similar one like the Philippines. Staying put, like many do, does not provide a lot of familiarity to me.

I guess the other thing is the solo travel. I am very content to travel this way. I don’t need to be surrounded by a social group of ex-pat retirees on weekend visits to restaurants to meet, eat, and drink. I also don’t intend or want a local lady friend which is quite easy to get here by all accounts. Age disparity is just accepted here it seems like but its not something I want or need.

Finally, meeting someone on the road is different. Paths may never cross again and perhaps its okay. I don’t really want someone’s contact information or have a desire to friend them on facebook or follow on twitter. Its like the two ships crossing paths. Momentary greetings but soon the ships pull apart and each goes its own way. Some would say its a lonely existence but I would not accept that. There are those of us that cannot thrive in a solo adventure and then there are those that can. Meeting people at hostels or hotels or even meeting local people is not a big goal of mine. I have met a few Vietnamese people that are friends.

Final Note on the Butte County Fire

Sad to say an old friend that I have lost contact with over the past few years got burned out in Paradise, California and escaped with only a car full of things and his older daughter. I think his life there is over and he will hopefully not return because the city looks completely destroyed. I have not talked with him for years for a variety of reasons and how we would define our friendship could be questioned. But no matter what, I’m glad he’s safe whether he is in a good mental place now or not.

Will we ever talk again? I don’t know. I don’t feel like there is a pressing need. He has things he needs to do now. Being in Cambodia there is not a lot I could do anyways and we drifted apart for a number of reasons. The reasons are still valid to me and while I could give him a hug and tell him I’m glad he’s safe I don’t think I would want him back the way it was. I feel leaving the US forever kind of signaled that there are people out there I left behind for reasons. He is one. I wish him good luck and hope he finds some happiness and I’m glad he’s safe. But there is not much else there for me for him. I guess I am broken too with relationships. Perhaps the last thing with retirees and ex-pats for me is building any kind of meaningful relationship with someone or even not a meaningful one. I just don’t care any more.

I know I sound jaded or cruel or egotistical. Guilty on all fronts. I also am critical, somewhat obnoxious and selfish. Sorry folks. Those are my good qualities. Hit the unfollow button if you like. Won’t hurt me a bit.