Its funny you know that as I wander the streets and buildings and malls and wonders of Kuala Lumpur that I find a thing of insurmountable worth and feeling after a year on the road. I was sitting the Suria KCC mall right by the twin towers today and had this flash of insight. I guess I’m gonna warn you I am going to write some personal shit so if you wanna click away, I got ya. I’ll post pictures of the towers on my picture of the day post too but this stuff occupied some head space today and yesterday. You may have noticed no blog post yesterday. I had these thoughts about life while I walked yesterday in KL and today while I toured on the hop on/off bus and when I reached KL. There is one picture perhaps that kinda seals it for me and its not a warm family type thing at all. You can see its just a building. Its actually more than a building that got me. Its one of the two towers of Petronas with clouds gathering behind it. I took it with the the FujiFilm X100F today and as I look at it and after the guide and I talked about the nature of the towers, it dawned on me. This one picture is of a single tower that makes up a pair but yet it is not diminished on its own.
In other words, it stands on its own and creates a sense of beauty and worth by itself. Sure you can argue that without the other tower this one would be less and that has come to me several times since I divorced back in 2011. Therein is the history part of things that occurred to me with this singular picture. So stop now if you don’t want to read my mental meandering…
Divorce is not bad or good, it just is…
It dawned on me looking today at this imposing building standing by itself that if I had not gotten divorced, if my wife had not done what she had done, I would never have paid off all my debts. Would never have retired and left the United States. Would never have found myself on the road and lost myself so many times before. Sometimes folks, the thing you find that is hell on earth is actually only a momentary hell and the spot it occupies on earth is measured. Sometimes, and I would like to tell one particular FB friend that you have to wait and be patient. You cannot walk it back with a thousand FB posts and try to erase it by deleting or disabling your account. It takes time for it to become the “just is” part of things.
When I track the years back and look, there were these seminal events that had to occur or I would not have been able to do what I did. I had to have all the miserable and shitty debt I had because it taught me a thing. I had to have over a decade of stupid IT consulting jobs that had no point because it made the final job more memorable. I had to live in a series of small rooms to prepare me to live in small rooms. I had to take small baby steps because large leaps would not have worked. Perhaps this all sounds so selfish or egotistic or whatever and I’m sorry.
I paid a series of debts though both financially and mentally and socially and came out the other side. So what can you take away from all this introspection? What can you package up and take back with you? What is there waiting to become your own? I would only say,
You cannot get there from here
Sorry. My road is not your road but your road can be even brighter. Like the sun shining behind the Petronas towers you can do it too. You don’t need to look back until you are ready to look back. You don’t need someone else if your path is solitary. There is nothing wrong with solitude and traveling solo. Someone once remarked to me,
There’s a difference between between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is being alone and loving it. Loneliness is being alone and hating it.
Don’t despair though. Paths are never meant to be shared. Even the smallest little change is a new path for you. If you find a life ending and your path is unclear, I believe a new one is waiting for you. It may not be like anything you ever did before and that’s okay too. Don’t wait for the new boss. Perhaps the world looks just the same. Reminds me of this song…
You may end up meeting the new boss and it will be the same as the old boss.
That’s tough crap dudes. You can do better. It may take something completely different. You can do it though.